An honest account of being a first time mum

Posts tagged ‘children’


So there was the phase when I couldn’t have a 2 minute shower without shouting down the stairs “is he ok?”. Oh yes and even before that (how could I forget) the phase where I felt like dolly Parton and was walking like John Wayne…girls you know what I’m saying!?

Then there was the phase when breast feeding baby out and about filled me with dread as he was so nosey the whole of Surrey had seen what they weren’t supposed to by the time he was 3 months.

Then there was the “wouldn’t take a bottle” phase, then there was the dummy falling out a million times a minute phase. Oh yes and the pack 20 lunch boxes of weening food and beakers and milk for a quick trip to asda-all which was thrown on floor or refused phase. Particularly challenging and time consuming. I won’t bother next time around.

Then there was the crawling backwards phase, stuck under sofa phase, eating sweetcorn from under the sideboard phase.

Then there was the rotovirus phase, then the hacking cough phase. Then there was standing up phase, the walking phase, the running phase and now the talking phase. I use the word “talking” loosely however he has mastered the work “potato” just this morning and this confirms to me that he’s a genius.

So the wont sleep day or night phase and up at 4.55am phase persists but it’s definitely much more rewarding and fun looking after a toddler. A walking, talking, nutty toddler.

A toddler who waves at people from the window and cracks up as though they’re losers for waving back. A toddler who thinks its very funny to see mummy get wound up when he refuses to call a dog a dog and insists its a cat. A toddler who when I can smell him from 20 paces insists that he has NOT done a poo.

A toddler that wants to push the trolley round the supermarket and then hides amongst the cat litter shelf giving me a heart attack.

Baby2011 will always be my baby, but his sense of humour, his stubbornness and his overall personality makes everyday so fun and yes, I’ve plucked up the courage to call him a toddler. Cheers!



Is it bad

Baby2011 is not sleeping again. Awake every hour which is excellent *yawn*. But we’ll gloss over that because I have concluded this cannot be fixed.

So, baby2011 and i are currently snuggled up on the sofa after sharing our toast and tea for breakfast. We are watching In The Night Garden in our pyjamas. Whilst he chuckles and points at the teeny tiny pontipines finding the teeny tiny wottingers in a game of hide and seek I’m writing.

Is it bad that we’re still in our pyjamas? Is it wrong we have seen this episode about 40 times? Is it bad that there is sweetcorn on my front room rug from yesterday’s tea time and the washing isn’t hung out?

So maybe I’m a lazy wotsit but I’m cherishing every second of these cuddles. It’s not often we just chill together. We’re usually rushing around, in and out of the car, eating rice crackers in supermarket trollies-that sort of thing.

Finally I have learnt to take the advice I was given time and time again when I was pregnant. Sit down, leave the housework and enjoy your baby. It feels ever so indulgent, but I can’t stop smiling. Me and my boy, best friends forever!

Might get dressed later, might not. Might sweep the sweetcorn up, might not!

New tricks

This week has been another week of firsts. Baby2011 stood on his own for approximately 15 seconds. Ok, so when he realised I wasn’t holding him up he plonked down onto his soggy nappy (lucky cushioning!) But for those 15 seconds he wasn’t a baby anymore, he was reaching the realms of toddlerdom.

Also a first was writing “drop off poo” on my to do list. Ok, I got used to carrying around pots of wee when I was pregnant never did I think of upgrade to carrying around poo. Not my poo I hasten to add, baby2011’s poo. After having something called a rotovirus (apparently very common in babies his age, and subsequently found out 4 of his friends had had it!) he was still being sick on and off over the space of a couple of weeks. Anyway I took him to the docs. It took me so long to take him in as I’m sure most docs think you’re a neurotic mother or lying. But I certainly won’t care about that anymore as he was diagnosed as temporarily lactose intolerant. He now drinks soya milk.

For the first time since I stopped breastfeeding at 8/9 months he goes bezerk for a bottle of milk. He was off his food for a couple of weeks but now he eats like he’s never seen food before. I actually think he put on weight in 2 days. He woke up looking rounder.

Another first this week was our first 1st birthday playdate. *sob* I can’t deal with our babies being 1! How quickly has that gone!? Rewind please! The playdate was lovely because I’m incredibly fortunate that I’ve made so many truly fabulous mummy friends. The babies played, swapped dummies, snot, toys and pulled each others hair but they were so happy.

And now tomorrow, my niece’s 1st birthday. *big gulp* I cannot believe it has been a year since me and my sis in law were heavily pregnant scoffing (yes this is true!) club sandwiches PLUS chips in the gym of all places and my sis in law remarked on how uncomfortable she was and how baby was so active. Well early that next morning I received a text that waters had broken. What seemed like an eternity passed, but then we got the text. Baby was here, it was a girl, she was perfect and she had the most beautiful name ever.

I had never seen a new born baby before. But as I waddled, massively pregnant, up the stairs to the maternity ward I heard babies crying. “Was that her”, I thought, tears in my eyes. I asked for my sis in law at reception and waddled through to the ward, heard my sis in law’s voice as she said it was cool to open the curtain and come in.

There they were, my sis in law looked radiant! Absolutely radiating beauty, happiness and contentment. I pointed and sobbed like a complete idiot. There she was, she was teeny, perfect and her little mouth pursed shut and her tiny eyes closed tight. Dark, beautiful hair. Perfection.

I could not believe I was trusted to hold her, but I did. Wrapped in blankets she was passed in to my arms and I daren’t breath she was so so special to hold.

My brother in law appeared, eyes straight to his brand new daughter and my sis in law started to crack me up with hilarious and alarming tales of birth, breastfeeding and sleep deprivation.

A day i will never forget. And i cherish that memory of meeting her for the first time.

We spent the first few months hiding the new babies under muslins breastfeeding out and about. Usually wearing our sunglasses to hide the bags!!!

And now the cousins play. They chatter, they jostle for position and they hug. Hard to think of them as bumps that we used to rub and complain about!

Happy birthday to my beautiful niece. And congrats to my bro and sis in law.

Now can you please stop growing up you monkeys!!!!


When baby2011 was about 5 days old he fell asleep after a feed. I wrapped the fragile, tiny newborn up in a blanket more carefully than you would a million £ antique. I tip toed up the stairs quieter than I’d ever done before. Then I crept over to the bedroom, his  Moses basket in sight and…wacked his perfect new born head on the door frame. “Waaaaaah!”

That’s confession one! There are, unfortunately for him, quite a few more.

I do think as a mum you’re under a lot of pressure to be perfect. My health visitor wisely said to me (3rd visit after the first fateful one!!) that the only pressure mothers are under is pressure from themselves.

We are the only ones who freak if our babies cry in Tescos or puke on the floor in Starbucks. Let’s face it, it’s not like you can control it!

I definitely felt (and still feel) the pressure to be perfect. To have the perfectly behaved baby and to appear like everything is straightforward and easy peasy.

Eeeerm, well thank the lord for gcse drama and a level theatre studies! Maybe I’m fooling a few.

God I’ve done so many stupid things since baby2011 arrived. I blame sleep deprivation. And hormones! Yes it must be hormones.

And seeing as this blog is becoming somewhat cathartic I confess to being less than perfect as a mum.

I once (actually maybe more) swigged jack Daniels out the bottle at 08.45 when baby2011 was a few days old. Arguably it did us both good.

The first time baby2011 wee’d up in the air with no nappy on I put my hands up to stop me getting a face full and it all went back all over him.

I always did and still do let baby2011 sleep in my arms so I can watch This Morning without having to run up and down stairs.

If baby2011 throws his dummy on the floor I lick it and he has it back.

I have to put In The Night Garden on to persuade him to eat, sleep and play nicely for 5 minutes so
I can unload the dishwasher. I’ve watched 6 episodes today and I really dislike upsy daisy (tarty!) and wonder whether the tombliboos are well looked after…i reallydon’t understand how makka pakka is smaller than iggle piggle but whatever!

Baby2011 sleeps on his front and his nursery is 21 degrees.

When the little monkey won’t eat any of my homemade, slaved in the kitchen for hours to make meals he has fish fingers, garlic bread and chips…

Baby2011 probably falls and bangs his head about 3 times a day.

Yes, I have visited lots of baby modelling websites to see how much he could earn us. And yes, he was so much cuter than any of the uglies on the site!

At baby2011’s first derby day I drank 3 glasses of champers and 2 glasses of wine and then
breast fed him in a tent listening to the commentary of my horse (Pour Moi) winning me about £60.

I still walk him round and sway until
he falls asleep. Then place him in his cot holding my breath in case he wakes as he touches he mattress.

I turn the plug off and let him play with my phone charger. It keeps him
Quiet for 5 minutes…

I’m liberal with calpol.

Baby2011 and i have had some awesome times and he can’t even talk yet! He’s my best mate that little fellow.

Being perfect is soooooooooooo dull!